Meme from BelgianWaffling - stuff.

1. Are you a male or female:
Fe-male. Very female, I was such a tomboy as a kid, I got mistaken for a boy all the time. On a beach once, a football slapped me full in the face and I cried, a man told me to stop being such a baby. My mum had to say ‘she’s a girl’. I don’t cry much anymore.

2. Describe yourself:
I’m a bitch, who’s actually a nice person. Rather than a nice person who turns out to be a bitch. And blonde, definitely blonde. Kind of an only child but with 2 sisters and a brother. I was the ‘too much drink at Christmas’ September baby, 10 years later.

3. How do you feel about yourself:
I’m a passenger not a driver, a lazy opinated backseat driver.

4. Describe your parents:
Mum: Mother nuture. Animal mad, always had a dog, a cat, chickens, interspersed with guinea pigs, rabbits, fish, mice (that was me), once actually smuggled a stick insect back from Tresco that she kept in the kitchen. Never raised her voice. Cycled everywhere, painted a bit, knew the names of all the english flora and fauna, secretary to the Natural History Society. Died of a heart attack aged 75, the day after a doctor sent her home with indigestion. Still got a stone in my chest about that.

Father: Died in a car crash when I was three, daft bugger missed a corner and drove through a wall, left my mum to bring up 4 kids alone. She never remarried. Remember big woolen jumpers, and being swung upside down.

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriends:
First boyfriend at five, Steve Hall he had a moustache by the age of ten I swear.

Andy, 13-16 years. Local millionaire’s son, saw me from school bus window and rang my house. My sister answered and teased me, ‘ But I don’t know any boys’ I protested. He put me on a pedestal, from which I was far too eager to fall, frustration all round, no sex.

Julian, Vegetarian, Yorkshire man with long curly hair, art college, 5 years. Then he shaved his head, started smoking and eating meat and getting fat – he changed.

6. Describe your current boy/girl situation:
The Guardian Reader. Love of my life, father of my boy. As he says ‘I’m not married but the wife is’ People kept asking if we knew one another at parties in North London, then we met. Thought he was far too good looking for me, and insisted on a platonic relationship. Used to make him and his conquests cups of tea in the morning. Twin of badness, and much fun. It was our 13th year anniversary this March.


7. Describe your current location:
Laptop at mum’s table, our rented West end pad, silent apart from keyboard, the TV’s gone into standby. Wearing The Guardian Reader’s top as I feel poorly, he’s out working. No lights on, it’s 8.20pm.


8. Feeling better. A Greek island, skin tinged with salt and sun, a balmy breeze, brown toes.


9. Your best friend(s) is/are:
Two are from school and are true and loyal.
Two are from teens and are meedy (insecure and self absorbed, but I love them).


10. Your favourite colour is:
Pink, Turquoise, Wedgewood blue - there are too many.

11. You know that:
Of course I do.

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called:
Absolutely secondhand or No Sex in the City, hopefully only running for one season.

13. What is life to you:
Precious and short and something that should be enjoyed.

14. What is the best advice you have to give:
If in doubt of what to wear.
Wear what you had on the day before.