Friday, 31 July 2009

Never mind UDI’s tell us about the IUD.

IUD or Intrauterine Device commonly know as 'the coil'.

Ok, so I went along to my local family planning clinic, like a good girl, even though we’re not having sex it’s better to be safe incase – sorry for when we do. I previously had a ‘Gynefix’ – a fine string onto which were threaded small love-bead sized bit of copper. This is attached – yes attached to the inside of the womb and prevents pregnancy unless displaced. I remember holding the nurses hand when they inserted it, it was a big ouch. They no longer supply Gynefix at my local FPC which is
the Margaret Pyke clinic on Charlotte Street, all the staff are sweet and helpful, the atmosphere is hushed, no mobile phones, no standing at the reception desk unless invited, a TV. I got to watch Fern Britten leaving whatever it was she used to present. So first you go in for a chat, and to book a fitting appointment.

An IUD cannot be fitted if you have had sex up to 5 weeks before, this includes having sex with a condom. Abstinence is really the only method, this wasn’t going to be a problem for me. There was some conversation of mojos, (her terminology not mine) sexy underwear and it being very common after a baby. ‘Try not to build it up to a big thing’, I was advised. Lavinia had made an outing on Father’s Day, but that was long enough ago to book me in on a cancellation for the following week. I was advised to take painkillers and eat breakfast before turning up.

I got The GR primed to babysit, put Erbie down for a nap and dashed to the centre - a day early. The appointment was the following day, by which time The GR and I had had a massive falling out ‘and there’s no point you going for that appointment either’ Erbie had woken up with a temperature of 39degrees and had been whisked to the doctors surgery on Soho Square all before 9am.

By 9.45am everyone had calmed down and Erbie was napping I dashed off again, arrived 5 minutes late and then had to wait 40 minutes as the were running behind schedule anyway. Ho hum.

A lovely nurse took my blood pressure and details and I sat in anticipation waiting for a free room. No breakfast and a couple of paracetamol stuck in my throat. Erbie wakes at 11am, and I’m still waiting, eventually the room is free I’m ushered in by a kindly female doctor of about 50 and a whipper young assistant of about 20 who she is training to insert IUD’s - whoopy.

I’ve opted for the regular copper IUD ‘T Safe’ which looks like a dolls house french corkscrew and can last upto 10 years, ‘so I need never worry about contraception again’ I was joyfully informed. Ye gads menopause awaits.

Look away now.

As my one sexual encounter had been less that 6 weeks previously I had to do a pregnancy test anyway, negative of course.
Up on the bed, blue tissue paper provided for some vanity, off with your pants and in with the duck. Thankfully they had been considerate enough to put a picture of the ceiling, always cheering don’t you think.

I remember when we had a scare during my pregnancy and I had to go back for a scan at the hospital Constable’s picture of Salisbury Cathedral was on the ceiling, it was a good omen and he was fine.

I wanted to ask the older doctor if she’d could tell her patients age bracket by their pubic hair topiary, if all the young girls had Brazilians and the older ladies were more modest, but I was preoccupied with the 'yes, hold it like that’, ‘you’ll feel a slight pinch’, ‘do tell me if it’s uncomfortableX centimetres – that’s very average dear. The T Safe’s little arms are folded down it’s popped into the neck of your cervix and then they ping back out and hey presto, Bob is no longer your uncle.

As to how they work. Would you want to make a nest in there? Well then.

I just had a thought, how do they get it back out again?

Wednesday, 29 July 2009


Unspecified Drinking Injuries were once a common part of my life, being an easy bruiser (not a butch bully boy but a delicate flower who blemishes at the slightest touch). They have now been replaced by UBI’s Unspecified Baby Injuries, I’ve no idea where they spring from, but my legs are constantly bruised, I have a humdinger of one on my right thigh, no idea where that came from and my right knee looks as if I’ve been put in goal at the local hockey play offs. Ah well what you lose in the swings you make up for on the roundabout.


No more with the ABC's mummy.

Tree falls in Percy Street, W1

Nobody likes to see a tree go. This happened in 5 minutes, a bit of creaking and cracking and whoosh, gone.

Saturday, 25 July 2009

Baby Brain - Mum Dumbdom

This is apparently common after having a baby, one’s brain turns to mush. It can last for weeks or years.
The soon-to-leave landlord in the pub opposite told me his mother had it for 21 years.

Baby brain incidents this week:
Went to Family Planning Clinic for coil fitting, got Erbie asleep, The GR primed, took pain-killers, walked to surgery – the appointment was for the next day.
Took Erbie to post office to collect parcel with no proof of address, or ID. A complete stranger vouched for me.
Went to buy The GR some form of condolence present for being absent minded – without wallet.
Went to shops for nappies and lunch came back with washing up liquid.
Went to shops for beer (GR condolence again) came back with lunch.
Couldn’t work out what to feed baby or grown-ups for most of week, due to lack of provisions.
Forgot to send card for sister’s birthday.
Forgot keys - twice, once when I had to let a plumber in, who then had to come back later.

Have complete lack of organisation, leading to unecessary levels of stress and more mum dumbdom.

Thursday, 16 July 2009

Kitchen sink

Should I be allowed to do this?

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

Lego less no longer

We bought Erbie his first lego at the weekend, having checked on the lego website, we went for a starter pack of Duplo (larger lego pieces for the under 3’s). It comes in a smart green tub that is just as good a toy as the bricks within. There are also two flowers, a pussy cat and a window. Hamleys on Saturday mornings is not advisable but if you do, the basement is the place for most of the lego. We got all this for £11.00 a bargain as on the lego site it's £12.69.


On the way back we stopped on Foubert's Place to have a quick look at the final day of ‘Sorry you missed the sixties’, an exhibition by Philip Townsend. Great black and white photos of the Rolling Stones (The GR’s favourite) and some lovely shots of Charlotte Rampling, Twiggy and les enfants terrible of the era. Philip Townsend was there and The GR surprised him by naming the street (Edith Street in Chelsea), where one particular picture of the Rolling Stones was taken, he happened to know that’s where Mick Jagger lived in the sixties.


Thursday, 9 July 2009

Mother in law blues

We are seriously considering ex-communicating The GR's mother. She has been twisting and turning us around her little finger for so long now we are quite literally sick and tired of it. A break would do us all good. And you never know my colitis and the GRs black moods may subside.

Cath Kidston tiny London

I got caught not once but twice, two days running, out and about with the boy and no umbrella in torrential weather. The first time I managed to shelter under a tree in Gordon Square and then The Guardian Reader had to come an rescue me from under another tree in Bedford Square. The following day I was in John Lewis shopping for printer ink when the heavens opened. There was acrescendo of noise in the central atrium above the escalator as thunder and lightening and a hailstorm crashed on the glass roof. The ceiling in the basement Food Hall was even leaking. I cracked and purchased an umbrella of my own, a very small umbrella, that at a push could fit in my very small bag, but also hangs from my wrist. It's the Cath Kidston London print. Erbie and I made it back dry, if you can picture a mad mother running with a bare-footed child on her hip between cafe awnings and doorways clutching a very small, very flimsy but pretty umbrella.


Other nonsense

Quote of the day

‘They tuck you up your mum and dad...’
Anon - after Larkin

“Philately will get you everywhere”

“It’s not the despair, I can handle the despair. 
It’s the hope I can’t deal with”

“Each new friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
Anais Nin

‘Come on Dover move your bloomin’ arse’.
Eliza Doolittle