Bathtime Blues and London Zoo

I promised myself I would write this year – so write, write, write I will. 

I’ve just got out of an evening bath after a chilly day at London Zoo with Erbie and friends. 

Bored gorillas, sleeping tigers, lions nowhere to be seen, the aquarium half closed and looking tired and old - much like me. Lovely llamas, a donkey, camels, macaws, the highlight was a beautiful troupe of squirrel monkeys, jumping and playing with one another, grooming, climbing and holding hands, miniature evolutionary bits of ourselves distilled in time. 

The kids asked them questions and watched in anticipation to see whether they nod or shake their tiny heads. 

‘Are you adorable?’

A ripple of awed laughter bubbles from the children as the monkey nods emphatically behind the glass.

The day ends with the obligatory exit through the gift shop, herding the children past shelves crammed with animal shaped pens, keychains and cuddly toys ranging from a lifelike Emperor penguin with chick to attachable tails. 

Cuddly Emperor penguin with chick - £30.00 London Zoo Shop

Attachable Giraffe Tail - £5 London Zoo Shop

Attachable Lion Tail - £5 London Zoo Shop

Attachable Tiger Tail - £5 London Zoo Shop

From my bath I can hear my boys playing zombies with nerf guns, fighting with the lights off. I can hear screeches of laughter and ‘I got you, I got you’.

Meanwhile I lay here thinking what if this was it. 

What if my life was nearly over. What would I recall as the most defining moments from zero to 50. It can’t all be tragedy. In fact, I used to have a pretty positive mindset. I used to proudly say I could not afford the luxury of a negative thought.

Maybe I’m just hungover in the aftermath of Christmas. I feel fear, fear of dying, not the joy of living. I keep feeling imaginary or real lumps in my neck, knotty lymph nodes that I try and talk myself out of believing are the cancer returning. 

Geez get a grip woman. They do say most tube jumpers occur around February, and I'm not talking about chunky knits here, rather the poor souls who leap to their deaths under oncoming trains, leaving the splatter crew to clear up and find their shoes afterwards. 

The shoes always come off. 

I guess the general psyche of humans is brought lower with the light levels in Winter, hence the pagan festival that involves lighting up a tree, or am I confusing pagans with Moonins. 

Presents, lights and a feast with family just after the shortest day on 21st December to chide us through the coldest months, magical. 

Just keep something wonderful in mind to look forward to when the days get longer. Or comfort yourself with ridiculously cute things like this cuddly Emperor Penguin chick from the London Zoo Shop. 

Cuddly Emperor Penguin Chick - London Zoo Shop £8.00